FOMO// The Fear of Missing Out

Hello Everybody! I've missed a few days of blogging. I usually don't on the weekends regardless, but Friday is unusual, but this weekend I did have some social life happenings so I was just trying to focus on that aspect of my life. :) Although now, I am ready to get back on the saddle and refocus on some other important things in my life.

The fear of missing out... I recently just learned that this was actually a thing..and that other people experience it as well, not just me. Funny thing about social media.. you only know/see what other people want you to know/see. Hmm.. another blog topic to write about! Here is my experience with FOMO, and I would love if you guys share if you have similar experiences, or if yours is completely different. I will use a very recent situation. My friend and I are going to NYC next month. That's all high and dandy. This past week, that same friend and our other friend decided to take a road trip... north east. Que anxiety, panic attack, depression, fomo, fighting to stay calm Vanesa. The thoughts racing through my head were these. "How dare she. We're going up there in like a month!" "I'm going to be so pissed if they even drive near New York, heck if they do I'm not even going to go with her." "Why are they having so much fun. I can be fun." "What if I'm not fun at all, and she's going to cancel on going to New York with me!" "I'm going to text her to make sure everything is okay." **Texts her expecting her to answer in the middle of her vacation, she doesn't answer." "Wellp, there goes another friend lost, now what Vanesa, way to go, you did it again with your lame-o attitude, and your too boring personality. good job, good job." 

Yeah. I know, I can get pretty crazy. But I am getting better at going back and rationalizing things out.I wish it was more of a kick the thought out of my head before it even starts kind of thing, but it's not. And that's okay.. like I said, I am getting better, and eventually it'll get to that point. The thoughts that made me calm down were: "So what if she goes to New York before you.. you will still go and have a great time." "Vanesa, what the hell is wrong with you, are they not allowed to have fun without you? Just because you're not there does not mean that they don't have fun with you." "What the hell are you doing texting them! Would you be worried about random convos from home if you were on vacation??" 

I know my FOMO personally stemmed from when I was a child. I wasn't allowed to do basically anything. I was an only child, my mom was a single mother,we came from a small war torn country into America, This huge country where we know nobody, we don't know the language, or the culture,or anything. I can understand where my mom was coming from in that aspect. But I was barely even allowed to do any school activities Any time that I did get to do something, I was the last one there and the first one out, whether that be doing something with or without my parents. But that's how it happened, and I always felt like I was missing out, or I was made fun of or looked at weird because I didn't do things like other people. I have based my entire life off of other people and that's not something I want to do anymore, I'm never happy with what I have because I'm always looking at what others have and I only want that. I hate that, and I don't know how to stop it... Cut off all social media ties?? That gives me more anxiety... but it would probably be the best thing to do.. I'm slowly working towards it and one day it will happen. 

I wish this could have been another informative post instead of more of a diary, but it is something that has just been on my mind this past weekend. 

I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow <3

Love Yourself First/Gaining Friends/ Getting a Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Greeting Friends!

I'm doing an early entry today since I will be pretty busy the rest of the night!
Today I wanted to talk about loving yourself first. And Gaining more friends if you feel like you don't have any, or enough, and then a little about relationships.
I'm going to start off with loving yourself first because, as the quote above says, everything else will fall into place. When I say love yourself, I don't mean that you need to 100% love every atom in your body. That can be pretty hard to do! What I mean by that is just to accept yourself. Of course this isn't an easy task.. but it is something that needs to be worked on on a day to day basis. There can be parts of you, mentally and physically that you want to change.. but just with starting to accept those parts, because they are you.They make you the person that you are today, you beautiful human being. Like I said, it takes work, and a hell of a lot at that. But just start with waking up every morning and just taking a second to breathe and be okay with who you are, because believe me you are absolutely not as bad as you think you are. Once you get into the rythm of that, it will all just flow naturally and you will attract more friends and partners!
I'm going to go into just a short version of these next two topics because I will write more in depth on them later! Please do not feel like you have no friends, or not enough friends! Ever! Truth is, I felt like this for such a long time through my life, and when I sit back and think on it now, I had so, so many friends! I just ended up pushing them away, even though I didn't mean to. Friendship takes work, as does everything else in life, and that work needs to come from both ends! You can text your friend first, or be the one who offers to do things.. it's not a big deal if you do, and it's definitely not a big deal if they say no! Don't in any way feel rejected! They might just be busy! Just try and try again, unfortunately unless you're just a very special person, there aren't very many people who will take the extra effort to stay in touch with you.. but as long as you make some effort and they make some effort, an amazing bond will form! The same kind of goes for relationships.
If you're at that age where you're just starting to date, or are in high school and have not been in a relationship yet, don't fret! You know when I got my first serious boyfriend? 17 years old.. yes I had some boyfriends here and there but it wasn't anything... that you would really call a relationship. Do you know why I got my first serious boyfriend when I did? Because it was at the exact time where I loved my life, and myself and just everything happening at the time. I actually just came out of an amazing relationship that had a horrible break up.. and I didn't want to be broken by that. So I promised myself I would take time to myself.. be by myself and love myself, because I kept hearing and seeing the quote "How can you expect anybody else to love you if you don't love yourself first." So I worked on that.. and lo and behold the love of my life walked into my life! It's an amazing thing how strong the energy that you put into the world is.. and this is me, a real life person telling you that if you just stay positive and work on yourself and be happy...good things WILL happen.. I'm almost 22 years old and I'm just starting to live life.. and that's okay. Some days I feel like it's not okay, some days I feel like I''m running behind so much and I should have my own house with three cars and three kids and my husband and an amazing career.. but.. I'm only 22 years old.. I have so much time for that.. and I want to live my life the way I have always wanted to live. .and I'm beginning to do exactly that. I encourage all of you to try that too.. don't just talk about it! DO IT! I'll be right here by your side.. and I hope you are by mine as I take the rest of this journey called life.. I can't wait to share it with you all!

Hope you have a great rest of the day! It is almost the weekend!!

<3

Fun Things to do this Summer 2015

Hey everyone! Happy dayy! Today is such a beautiful summery day outside, I figured I should do something in the spirit of the season! I'm going to write a little post about fun things that you can do this summer, for one person and for more than one person! Let's just get right on into it !


1. Go to the pool, or if you aren't comfortable being around people in a swim suit, buy a kiddy pool at wal-mart, and have a pool party for one or more! It's hilariously amusing!

2. Buy a large puzzle and build it outside! Again, something just for one person or a group of people! You can make it a challenge to build it in one day or just make it a casual thing, just make sure to protect it from the rain if you leave it outside!

3. Have a picnic! Whether it be in your backyard or your tent, It's a great idea just for something different, or even for a date! Try to make all of the food yourself too! It's a ton more fun that way!

4.Become a photographer! Taking pictures is so much fun, and I think editing is even more fun! There is a great website called picmonkey.com and it really helps amateurs edit gorgeous pictures!

5. Learn something new! Whether that be a sport, or drawing, singing, or playing an instrument, make it a challenge to learn something new! You don't need to become a professional, but just have fun with it!

6. Watch a sunset/sunrise/both! You can do alone, with a loved one, or a friend! It's such a magical experience, watching the calmness of the earth during those two times of day!

7. Star gaze! And think about what an amazing magical world we live in!

8.Get a summer reading list! Reading is such a wonderful thing to do! It lets you escape real life into a far away world and lets you fall in love with brand new people each and every time. If you don't want to or don't like to read alone, start or join a book club!

9. Find yourself. Spend time alone, go on hikes, walks, laugh, cry, learn to be by yourself, find out who you really truly are, and be happy with that!

10. Travel! Don't just talk about it, actually do it! If you have a job, save up money and go somewhere you have always wanted to go, alone or with a friend! It will be the most amazing experience and you will grow so much! Don't just sit in your room all summer!

Well, there you go! I hope this gets you guys motivated to get up and move this summer! It's great ideas for all ages, and for many people to do together, or for just one person to do alone!
Please let me know if you would like me to continue on with this list in another post!!
I hope you have an amazing happy day, and I will see you tomorrow with a brand new post!!


<3

Be Your True Self//Ingrid Nilson Coming Out

No pretty picture today as I'm traveling for work. But that is not the important thing about these posts. I actually really want to get into this post.

Ingrid Nilsson, AKA MissGlamorazzi came out on her YouTube channel today!! I honestly don't think that I have ever been so happy for somebody finally coming to peace with them selves ever! She has been such a huge inspiration to me for years, she's such a gorgeous girl with such a beautiful soul! If you want to watch her video, just search her on YouTube. I definitely stand by what I said in my Caitlin Jenner post, I'm so proud of her for finding the courage to be true to herself in a world that tries to mend you into some robot. There is a crazy expectation of what everybody should look like, how they should talk, how many years of school they should go through... just crazy stupid expectations. Lately I've been working so hard on just listening to my body and my heart and staying true to myself, I've been so happy. Although today, since I have been traveling for work, I did put on an extra act to make customers and my boss happy. I didn't have an awful day but I just couldn't wait to get home and get back to myself. With technology as amazing as it is, we even put those unreal expectations on ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I love tanning and I'm working my butt off to get a more toned body, but those are things I truly want. If you want to have pale skin and that makes you happy, then go ahead! I'm so tired of society running our lives.... I want us all to wake up each day and promise to at least do one more thing each day that is true to ourselves and makes us happy. Remember to love yourself, its the most important thing, you will always be here for yourself! I hope you all have a great day! I'll see you tomorrow with a new post!  

You are so Extraordinary!

Good evening everybody. I took a little break from the internet world yesterday, but I am back and rearing to go!
I've forever been fascinated by how we, as humans, got here and how we developed to who we are today. What striked up my thoughts about it today was an episode of Girl Meets World.. yup. But it was an episode about doing the right thing and having a conscious. That got me thinking... how crazy is it that we have something in that crazy amazing brain of ours that makes us feel guilty for doing something.. that tells us what is right from wrong, that makes us feel sad or guilty. Which of course lead me to the fact that our nervous system looks so much like outer space...


I don't know the exact terminology.. unfortunately, but I do know that we have atoms in our bodies that came about because of the Big Bang. I mean, we literally would not be here if it wasn't for the big bang. Our entire solar system exists today because of that... we are all stars.. am I crazy to be so fascinated by that!? Think about how beautiful it is up there.. how much there is to discover! How much of there it is, how mysterious the universe is... we are physically a part of that! But, to bring you back down to Earth... think about how gigantic the universe is... just think about it for a second.. or research it... how small does that make you feel though? I'm not saying that to bring anybody down or anything like that but... we humans can put our selves up on such a high pedestal and think that we are all so important.. which we are, yes completely I mean.. if one of us figured out some weird portal thing and changed a moment in history in our own lives, it would effect all of the universe.. I whole heatedly believe that!   Now I'm not trying to get into religion or non-religion here, I'm just saying that the big bang theory is 100% true,, there is scientific evidence behind it. We don't know yet how the big bang theory came to be though, it's the same with my Caitlyn Jenner post, I wasn't saying what she did was right or wrong or whether I agree with it or not, I was just saying, props to her for not being afraid to be herself in front of the world.
But can we just discuss this whole.. we are made of stars thing? How amazing does that make us? I spent some time today researching amazing things about the human body.. and if we would just believe in ourselves and even test our limits... we could go so so far... but yet we are sitting around watching what the Kardashians are up to... can we work together to make this world a better place? There is no reason that there should be so many shootings of every race..no reason that poor kids are going through such mental problems to shoot and kill their peers and then them selves, there is no reason that terrorism should exist... no reason that the poor children in Africa have no food to eat yet here we are in America throwing our scraps away. Why can't we all just forget about our differences and ban together to really make this world a better place? It's the 21st century, if we tried we could be to the point where there are flying cars! It's so easy to get sucked up into all of this technology.. and don't get me wrong I love it.. but.. can we rewind time a little bit?? Remember when electricity was invented?! And the printing press!? What beyond amazing inventions were discovered back when people had none of what we have now! Look at all of the resources we have and what are we using it for... gossip sites!? Why!? It doesn't have to be like this, and all it would take is one person, one voice... Let me get back to you on that :)
As for now, I hope you all have a great night, and a great rest of the week.
I'll be back with a new post tomorrow night.

Travel While You're Alive!

Why are we always waiting!? You want to travel while you'e young but you don't have money so you say "When I  get older" But when you get older, you may have kids and it could be even tougher to travel! I'm not avid traveler, so I cannot tell you from experience, but I am for sure an avid dreamer, and I follow travel blogs, vlogs, and websites all over social media, and each scenery picture like the ones above just give me the best feeling! I have decided that this summer I want to travel to New York City with a very close friend of mine, and I don't want to go to New York for the shopping or for Times Square, while yes I do want to see both of those attractions, I want to get into the heart and soul of New York and maybe even find myself while finding those hidden treasures in the vast city! I hope that starting this year I will be doing a lot more traveling than before..which honestly won't be hard because I hardly ever traveled before. But I do want to see at least America if not the world while I am still young! And when I have children of my own, I want to travel as well, to get them a taste of the world... I feel that as Americans we really are not well educated on the world and the true wonders of everything! I hope that everybody tries to do this, because I feel if we all see even a corner of the beautiful world we live in, we will become much better people in the process!
What are your guys's thoughts on travel? Have you traveled before? Do you travel? What has been your favorite place to travel to? What is your dream travel destination? Let me know !
I'm going to plop into bed now! Check back tomorrow night for another post!

Photography/The Magic of Photography!

I didn't want to write about anything too deep today!
I figured I would post some of my own photography, all of these pictures were taken and edited by me!
I'm so fascinated by photography, a lot more by the editing process and photoshop and stuff.. but here goes nothing :)
I hope you guys like them!

Social Anxiety/Battle Social Anxiety/ Love Yourself

It's an awful feeling when you're suffocating inside of your own body. It's scary, it's angering,it's depressing... you're literally fighting with yourself every day of your life. It took a  long, LONG fight for me to get to the point where I am in life.. There were days that I couldn't force myself out of bed if somebody offered me the world. What was the point of getting out of bed, I'm alone in it and I'll be alone  out of it. I used to constantly try to understand why people supposedly didn't like me. Why sooo many people had friends, yet I was completely alone. Nobody liked my posts on facebook or commented on anything.. Social anxiety is all in your mind. And your mind is the hardest thing to fight. Social anxiety plays on paranoia. Paranoia says that everybody you see laughing is laughing at you... everyone you see whispering is whispering about you, every facebook status is about you, everybody is talking about what a fool you made of yourself. It's all about you all the time, but in the worst way possible. Because of that constant paranoia, you can't really get up with a smile on your face everyday and be happy. It turns into depression, or bipolar disorder... it just gets worse and worse and worse until you just can't fight it any more. And people don't understand that. "Just get over it." "Just stop caring!" "It's not all about you all the time!"
My personal problem is, is that some days...I DON'T care! Some days I can go about my life and tell that paranoia to shut the eff up, I'm going to live my life. Then there are days where I cannot for the life of me calm down enough to breathe and think logically about the situation I'm in, like calling in and ordering for a pizza instead of ordering online, or going to wal-mart by myself! In all realities, it's not a big deal, but for me, it's like the end of the world.. I feel like everybody is judging me up and down. I can't handle that. I'm insanely jealous of the people who have all of that self confidence and the things that people say or what people think couldn't scratch them one bit. I strive to be like that. Looking back on life, I have missed so many great opportunities, lost so many great friends because.. I didn't want to speak up because I didn't want to look like a fool. I do, I honestly regret so much of my life because of my social anxiety. I know that there is nothing I can do to change the way I lived my life, but I can change the future, and so can you.
As I said, your mind is the best bully/warrior in the entire universe. It can literally eat you up from the inside out... and the only way to fight it is by using your mind. The way to overcome anxiety is by training your mind, fight fire with fire. Every bad thought you get, you really do need counteract it with a good one. "I can't go say hi to that person what if they don't remember, I'll look like an idiot!" counteract that with "I'm going to go say hi to that person and if they don't remember I'll remind them, and if they still don't remember me then oh well!" Truth be told, they're going to feel much worse about not remembering you than they will about you saying hi. I'm such a shy, quiet little thing... and the funny thing is, is that once people get to know me,, they wouldn't believe that one bit. But like I said, I have my days... thankfully a lot less, but when I do get them, they are BAD.. and it takes days, weeks to fight through it. I cry, I scream, I hit, I lock myself in and nobody, absolutely nobody can get me out but myself. And that's the thing with mental illnesses is that, people say that nobody helps... I think people do try to help, but what can they do to your mind? It's all totally up to you. It brings me back to my post a few days ago, you have to be your own inspiration, your own hero. Nobody is going to ever know you like you know yourself and nobody will ever love you like you love yourself. Before you go off chasing happiness, or a boyfriend, or something new.. the first thing I suggest you take time to love yourself just for who you are.  Do the things that make you happy, fight to do the things that make you happy because sometimes your mind might not let you, but do them anyway. I'm nothing but a small twig of a person, I hate how small I am, I want some curves, some muscle, and some fat, I hate the size of my nose, it's too large in proportion to my face. My stomach is large, I have the smallest mouth and I hate how my hair falls. I'm so self concious about my skinny little fingers it's hillarious. I let all of those things define me before. Every day it would constantly be me focusing on the things I don't like. But the saying is true is that there is nobody else in the world out there like you. Nobody else with your same features, and if you're a twin... nobody else with your same personality. No matter what each and every one of us is so unique... nobody could EVER be you. And trust me, there are people out in the world who strive to be like you, there will be somebody who meets you who strives to be like you! But just.. the most important thing when you decide you want to get on the road to fighting social anxiety, is loving yourself, loving every little cell that makes you, you. We are incredible creatures who were created in such an incredible way, which I will write about in a future post, why are we wasting our time doubting ourselves, making our selves miserable, drinking our existance away instead of seeing as much as we can of this wonderful amazing planet that is just a smidget of this vast universe that we are apart of???
If you feel alone, you're NOT alone, I'm going through it, many, many other people are going through it. If you need to talk, I'm here, a complete stranger with absolutely no judgement towards you or your life what so ever. If you need tips on how to even start loving yourself.. ask, or I can do a post about that. I'm not a therapist or psychiatrist, I'm not saying you should come to me for professional help. I'm just a girl who is going through this day by day. I'm just a girl who is trying to change or save somebody's life. I'm just a girl trying to find herself in this world. I'm just a girl who wants to make a little bit more out of this thing called life. But I've went through things, and I'm still going through things, and let me tell you it's a hell of a lot easier to go through things when you can talk to somebody about it. Talk to anybody, write a diary, just let it out.. don't let it consume you until it's too late.

Remember;

"Broken crayons still color."

"Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the  love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself."

Do What You Want/How To Live a Great Life

Can we all stop living for everybody else!?!?!?!?!? The funny thing is is that some don't even know that that is what they're doing! Trying to impress that boy. Doing whatever your parents tell you, even if it doesn't make you happy, just to make them happy. Or trying to one up a frien-emy.... Why did we stoop so low!? In tryin to impress everybody, and trying to keep everybody else happy, and trying to be better than someone, we end up being miserable ourselves. We end up feeling lost, angry, depressed... And we can never figure out why, because when we're playing this part to get everybody to like us, we end up convincing even our self that that is our identity. IT'S NOT! I'm finally realizing that! when I was younger I spent so many  years trying to impress this boy at school  I had a huge crush on for YEARS.. It was so bad that people knew me if someone just said "She likes so and so." "OHHHH HER!" Yeah... That went on through high school. As I grew older, and started understanding myself a little more... I don't want to say I regret what I did or how I felt, But I wish I loved myself a little bit more to just let it roll off my shoulders and do more things that I was passionate about rather than the things I thought would get a boys attention. Right now, something I'm trying to stop doing is competing with this girl. It's a tough battle to fight... but I know it's a necessary battle to fight, there is no reason to compete, there is plenty of room for both of us in the world.. but there is something inside of me, when I see her that just urges me to compete. But that's not how I want to live my life. And it's not how you should live your life either. If you're not a big drinker or partier.. don't feel like you need to do that to be accepted. Just do things that make you genuinely happy. Things that make me happy are yoga, make up, youtube, music, dancing, fashion, writing, drawing, and nature... I could go more  into depth with them because the more I explain them, the more you would realize why I feel like I'm a little crazy, because the genres/versions of each of those that I'm passionate about are soooo different!
I'm sorry this post is a little bit... all over the place, it's a little bit past my bed time, but I really wanted to get a post up!
I'll see you lovelies tomorrow  with another new post!
Good night!

The Little Voice In My Head

This is one of the best, truest quotes I have ever read. The saying goes though, "Easier said than done." I've lived a long majority of my life with that voice that keeps saying "You can't do it." "They'll all laugh at you." "Stop making a fool of yourself." "You're not good enough." And in no way shape or form am I possibly going to tell you that that voice has gone away for me. It is definitely still there. But I had to train, and fight, through many years, many tears, and many times of almost giving up... I had to train to add another voice in there... who is day by day becoming the stronger voice. The one that says "You CAN do it." "Give it one more try." "So what if they laugh? You probably would too if roles were reversed." "Just have fun, who cares what they think." "You are more than good enough."
It's really easy to make yourself the victim. To say, "Well, this is everything that is going wrong in my life, and this is everything I don't have in my life, that it seems like everybody else has." Anybody can do that at any point in their life. But you can't give into that demon inside you. You have to fight every day.
I used to have to fight to get myself out of bed... I would cry endlessly asking myself "Why can't I just hop out of bed and be happy that it's another day like everybody else..?" But that's really not the case. Everybody has their off days, or even weeks... but they don't let that consume them. They can't. And I know that you would rather not be living life that way. Honestly, nobody is going to just come up and save you. Unfortunately, people aren't there for each other like that.. You need to be your own best friend, your own hero, your own inspiration. You need to love yourself 100% each and every day of your life. It's absolutely a dog eat dog world out there...Everybody wants to be better than the person next to them. And I'll be the first to admit... I have my "frienemies" or even just enemies. I'm still a people pleaser. Like I said, it's a day after day battle for happiness, confidence, and acceptance. There is  no sure-fire one way that I can tell you, and the person who read this before you, and the person who will read this after, that you can do something to live your best life and be happy always and thrive. We are all different and we all get through things in different ways. All I can tell you, 100% is that it's going to be a battle, a daily battle for the rest of your life. But each day you will get stronger. Just remember you have to make a daily decision to love yourself, you have to make a decision every day to be happy, and accept yourself... and once all of that comes into place, confidence will just naturally grow. I'm sorry I don't have a step by step program or anything, but that's not something logical at all..
Through my journey writing this blog...I'll try to help as much as I can... but it's completely up to you.... Be your own hero.

Until next time..

Caitlyn Jenner

Good afternoon everybody. Hope you're all having a decent Monday!
If you know me at all, you would know that I have to talk about this Caitlyn Jenner thing.
I am very inspired by each and every one of the Kardashian/Jenners. Some people might think I'm ridiculously stupid for feeling that way, but hear me out. Yes, I think, to a certain extent, they are famous because Kim made that XXX tape. Okay, but how many people do you know who can take a mistake like that and turn  it around and make it into  a multi-million  dollar franchise, expanding their clothing line all over the world with their gorgeous looks and pretty real reality tv show. They ARE businesswomen. I adore them. And look at how much they continue to grow and thrive even with all of the hate they receive... that strength astounds me. There are people all around the world who commit suicide because they got told that they're ugly by some peers at school....I'm just going to leave that at that. In no way shape or form am I minimizing self harm, depression, or suicide, I've went and am still going through a form of it  myself... but I could never just quit my life.. and Caitlyn didn't either. Look at her! You cannot tell me she doesn't look absolutely stunning. You may hate the Kardashians and the Jenners or just one or the other, but take a second and step out of your own shoes, and just think about how strong each and every one of them is for living their lives so publicily... Kourtney with Scotts drinking problems... Khloe with Lamar... Kim with her Marriage to Chris... Bruce and Kris seperation, then divorce... Bruce  revealing he is transgender... and then Caitlyn. Most of us normal people  on a day to day basis won't even admit on facebook to a couple hundred friends if we're having a bad day. We refuse to show our true selves because we want to seem like we are better than someone else....what has our world come to? My goal for the rest of this year is to form much closer, more meaningful relationships with people around me, and hopefully create some new everlasting friendships. I've been a very closed off person for my entire life, and that's a big factor I would like to change.  I think Caitlyn Jenner is definitely a person that we should all look up to to better ourselves, to be more truthful to ourselves, and to love ourselves enough to let ourselves become our best selves, our true version of us. Caitlyn, you are such a gorgeous woman and I hope you have the time of your life from here on out. I cannot wait to see what your journey holds for you!!